The Night That Changed Everything
by Laury the Latrator
Summary: But Was A Long Time Coming. Not so sure about the rating, could be considered T by some prudish people. The story of Shawn and Juliet post-Abigail, the not-so-happy ending. Shules.
1. The Mistake

_Shawn wasn't sure what it was about her that struck him that night._

He was dressed only in a grey t-shirt and red-with-black-stripes boxers, lying on the floor of the ex-Fluff 'n' Fold, better known as his current apartment. And although it's an unusual statement, it is important to note that there hadn't been a pink toothbrush in it's bathroom for a good few weeks.

It was 9ish (at night of course, like he'd ever be caught awake at 9 AM!) and Shawn was bored. There hadn't been an interesting new case in a while, and there wasn't anything good on tv. So naturally he was entertaining himself by tossing Cheeze-its high in the air and into his mouth, thus explaining why he was lying on the floor.

Gus had stopped taking his calls after two hours, so that was out. There would have been a time when he would go out looking for a girl to spend the night with, but not lately. Since the Abigail fiasco he was reluctant to start something he didn't want to finish. At least, not with just any random girl.

Damn. He let the cracker fall to the floor. Shawn did not want to do this to himself again. It just could not be healthy.

It wasn't like he had raced to her apartment the moment Abigail had left. Well... ok, he conceded, there had been some racing involved. But she, of course, had been unimpressed with his enthusiasm.

Shawn shuddered as phrases like 'just friends', 'keep this professional', and 'emotional rollercoaster' echoed within his mind. It had been easier to let people assume his funk was because Abigail had dumped him, rather than the woman he'd loved.

There. That was better. Past tense.

Shawn threw another cracker into the air with gusto.

Of course it hadn't been easy seeing her at the station after that. Seeing her smile at him, blissfully unaware of the knife she'd twisted in his gut. But Shawn was proud of his ability to ignore emotional pain, a skill honed through his troubled adolescent years. He'd grinned back and watched as her shoulders relaxed in relief. He was secretly glad there wasn't a case. He'd take boredom over that frozen feeling in his stomach any day.

Which was why he was totally unprepared when there was a knock on the door.

Shawn stared at the double doors in shock. The flappy-drape-curtains (as he liked to call them) were down and the shutters on the windows drawn, offering no clues as to the identity of the mystery caller. He wondered briefly if he should get his bat in case some incredibly stupid robber was trying to hold up the Fluff 'n' Fold. The person, whoever they were, knocked again, more insistently. Figuring that a criminal would more likely break the window rather than knocking, Shawn raised himself off the cheesy cracker-littered floor and padded to the doors.

Pulling them open, he stood openmouthed in surprise.

She was dressed in her work clothes, the low neck blouse a bright turquoise that shone like her eyes, the jacket and pants a deep grey, the closest to black he'd ever seen it. The major difference between her now and what she must've looked like earlier was that her hair was freed from what would've been a bun or ponytail. It cascaded in faint ripples around her shoulders and down her back. Her smile was small, but no less stunning. She looked beautiful and serious and sexy and so many other fantastic adjectives...

All thoughts of the past tense vanished.

Shawn was staring at the subject of his brooding, Detective Juliet frickin-O'Hara. Huh... He'd always found that sort of thing cliched.

~'~,~~

"Hi." She said, nervousness making her smile grow. Shawn was still gaping at her. Juliet was starting to think this was a mistake.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Really it had. The Chief had unearthed a check for the psychic team, just a small sum from a time when there'd been several bigger cases. The missing hundred or so had gone unnoticed for a while, but now there was a lull and Juliet had realized that the duo would be running low on funds eventually. The check might be needed now. So, good samaritan that she was, Juliet had offered to drop it off on her way home.

Well it had been fine until she'd arrived at the Psych office to find it empty. Juliet couldn't just leave it there. What if they didn't see it, or worse, someone stole it? And of course... Juliet realized she had no idea where Gus lived.

So here she was. Standing in front of Shawn Spencer. At his apartment. Alone.

Not that there was a problem or anything. Things were just... awkward now. Even more so now that he was single again. Juliet had vowed to herself that she would move on. Because being around the man was like getting swept up in a cyclone with no idea which way was up or down and which you should be aiming for. She'd asked him to dinner once, got turned down, ate her weight in cookie dough ice cream and that was it. Over with. Even if on the way there'd been a lingering kiss on the cheek and one unfinished sentence.

And then Shawn'd had the audacity to think that she would be forever pinning for him, ready to jump into his arms once Abigail wasn't in the picture. No one should illusion themselves like that. Because people move on and it was stupid to think you were special. Shawn Spencer was just another man, and therefore easy to forget. She'd made the right call.

Since then it felt like they were forever walking on eggshells. Eggshells with land mines underneath.

Things were just the way she wanted them to be. Right?

He was still staring at her.

"Um... Shawn?" Jules asked hesitantly, waving her hand in a halfhearted parody of hello. Maybe it was the movement or his name, but he finally seemed to snap out of it. His hand spasmed on the door frame, but it was so quick the detective dismissed it.

"Juliet!" His voice appeared full of his usual pep, but it didn't sound natural. Juliet bit her lip. He hadn't called her Jules.

~'~,~~

Shawn's gaze flitted down to her mouth against his will as he watched her worry her bottom lip. His stomach seemed suddenly filled with very hyper fluffy bunnies (Shawn scoffed at your butterflies!). Wrenching his eyes from the all-too-tempting lip, he stepped to the side of the open door-half-thing and gestured grandly to welcome her inside.

"Odd time to visit, but who am I to judge. Come in and make yourself at home." Keeping his lopsided grin in place, Shawn held his breath as Jules stepped into his apartment. Her eyes swept over the interior, steadfastly refusing to meet his in the process. He saw the struggle on her face as she tried to think of something to say about it.

"It's, uh... different from last time I was here." Sifting for a moment through his memories for some possible time she'd seen it, Shawn realized she must be referring to the case when he'd been shot. Having been put out over missing an entire investigation, Shawn had pestered Gus into filling him in on every single detail. Of course, every second describing Juliet's involvement had been nerve-wracking to say the least.

Looking around, and simultaneously keeping his gaze off Jules, he realized she had a point. The entire place was cluttered and unkempt. When Abigail had (partially) stayed there, Shawn had at least cared what it looked like. But now, clothes and garbage was littered everywhere, and he was pretty sure a family of mice had taken up residence under his bed. He'd named the smallest one Billy. Or Billie, y'know...

"Yeah... it is, isn't it?" Shawn said, sounding exactly as if he had only just noticed the change. "But I suppose that sort of thing happens as, y'know... time passes." He said noncommittally. Closing the door, Shawn stretched out along the soft and comfy seats arranged under the window. Focusing his attention on Jules once again, who was nodding at the decor, he sought to relieve some of the awkwardness. "So... is there a reason you decided to show up at my apartment or did you just come to take advantage of me in my undressed state?"

Jules turned her head sharply in confusion before she registered what he meant. Not exactly encouraging that she hadn't noticed he wasn't wearing pants but the blush was a good sign.

"Oh, Shawn, I'm sorry—"

"For what, not complementing me on my excellent choice in underwear? You're forgiven...for now. Next time though I expect flowers." She pursed her lips together, the way she always did when trying not to smile. Her eyes always gave her away though. That and the amused lilt in her voice whenever she answered in an equally clever quip.

"I'm afraid I don't have my florist on speed dial." Shawn raised an eyebrow.

"You anticipate seeing my boxers in the future? Why I'm thoroughly intrigued, detective."

"I have a check for you." She interrupted flatly. _Innuendo shot down before it's time_, thought Shawn sadly. Narrowing his eyes in puzzlement, he cocked his head at her in silent question. "It's the Rodriguez case... from like a month ago." Shawn frowned.

"Seriously? I thought Vick burned that check." Jules shook her head at him and pulled the slip of paper from her inner pocket. She held it out to him, and Shawn took it in surprise. It was still warm. He had to work hard not to hold it against his face. "Huh... what d'y'know!" He said in amazement, turning his face up to look at her. Jules was rocking back and forth on her heels, her eyes on the floor, the perfect picture of unease. Using his mock-serious voice, he asked "Am I now on the VIP postal list? Should I expect all my mail to come with a free detective?"

Her eyes were once again flashing an amused and yet still exasperated glare his way. "Not your best tonight, is it?" She asked playfully. Still, he noted, avoiding the question.

"Well yes, but you did catch me unprepared after all. It's hard to be this witty all the time, I know I make it look easy so I understand if it's difficult to believe." Shawn answered innocently. Hoping to God she wouldn't leave, he gestured to the crumb-sprinkled ground. "Have a seat anywhere, the entire apartment is yours to do with what you please."

Juliet sucked in her bottom lip, an unconscious nervous habit that Shawn found incredibly distracting, as she appeared to debate the offer. "It's getting late, I should probably head home." They both knew it couldn't be later than 9:30, and therefore not late at all unless you were over 60, a fact Shawn knew Jules knew even if she pretended not to know. Her stance begged him not to call her on it but he wasn't giving up that easily.

"Come on, most days you barely get off work around now! You're a police officer, live a little!" He insisted. There had to be a reason she hand delivered the check herself. It was just like the shoe-delivery/stroll on the boardwalk. How could he pass up the opportunity?

"Well... it would be nice to relax a little." Juliet admitted hesitantly. Marking it as a small victory, Shawn grinned widely.

The next few minutes passed harmlessly. Jules had lowered herself to the dirty floor and was sitting cross legged, more or less relaxed. Shawn was still splayed out on his row of chairs, just about eye level. Juliet was ranting about her partner, good-naturedly of course.

"I sometimes wonder what kind of person he takes me for." She said with a chuckle. Shawn's brows knitted together momentarily.

"What d'you mean?" Tilting her head back and forth in indecision, Jules replied sounding unsure how to phrase it.

"Well... there was the time he mistook a hooker for one of my friends," Shawn had to stifle his giggles at _that_ particular story. "And it's happened more than once that I'll go with a hunch, and when it turns out right Carlton's asked me if I dated the guy! I mean, once," She made a noncommittal 'eh...' sound, "But the second time..." She trailed off as Shawn nodded in understanding.

"Yeah... I think Lassie may _possibly_ be lacking in the people skills department." Juliet laughed at the understatement. Not a schoolgirl giggle, but a full fantastic laugh. It felt like sunshine, but made shivers run down his spine. There were little imperfections in the way she laughed when she was relaxed, tiny hiccups and snorts, that he absolutely adored. They only highlighted her humanity, when looking at her she might have passed for an angel. He gave her a lopsided grin that barely conveyed a tenth of his joy at hearing her laugh. Jules recovered from her breakdown but sent him a smile that eased his disappointment easily.

"Hey, do you mind if I get a drink of water?" She asked suddenly. He nodded to her immediately.

"The entire apartment is at your fingertips!" Pointing to the back of the room, "You could get a slushy over there." Pointing to his right, "You could have a soda from the Coca-Cola machine." And pointing slightly to the left of that, "And of course, water from the tap!' Shawn beamed when she turned her amused gaze back to him.

"Thanks for the tour, but I think I'll stick to water." Standing up, Jules said the next jesting query as she spun toward the sink. "Ever hear that an apartment can tell a lot about a person?" Shawn followed her movements as she stepped over to the tiny area he'd designated to be his kitchen. Juliet stood in the small corner formed by the counter and the soda dispenser, grabbing a glass and holding it under the running tap with her back to him, her left hip resting gently on the cupboards. Shawn took note of every movement, thanking whatever genetic combination gave him his photographic memory, as he approached from behind, stopping when he was a foot away.

"Why yes, I have heard that, but I don't give in to peer pressure." He told her confidently. Jules scoffed and, while you would normally deflate from the show of disbelief, Shawn felt lighter. "I am very proud of my decorating. It's every man's dream home!"

"More like every 10-year-old's." She quipped. Jules turned around, holding the glass to her lightly glossed lips. She met his eyes, and literally stole his breath away. What on Earth was it about her? What gave her this power over him, this intoxication, this need? She was Jules, tough as nails and beautiful as an angel. Shawn licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry.

How could he ever get over her?

~'~,~~

Juliet nearly choked on her water. Shawn had somehow gotten closer without her realizing. Much closer. Too close. Close enough for very close talking. And, judging by the way his tongue darted out to wet his parted lips... that was exactly what he had in mind.

This was a very dangerous situation. She needed to diffuse it, and fast.

"So... how's Gus?" She asked, both of them aware how feeble her attempt was. Shawn extended his left arm to rest on the countertop, making it _almost_ look casual. One escape route blocked. She could still slip past him to the right but it would take skill.

"He's fine. Better than fine actually. He met a girl at some geeky... thing. Now he can't stop talking about her." There was the dark cloud of romance, still looming over their heads, despite her best efforts. He'd just brought it right back. Cunning bastard...

"Oh... that's nice." Juliet said, inching slightly towards the soda machine. Shawn reached out his other arm to lean against that very machine, still keeping his left firmly on the counter. She was very definitely trapped. As a detective she could very easily muscle her way out, but as a woman in a charged situation there was no escape.

"Juliet why'd you come here?" Shawn asked quickly, his head falling to look down at the floor. His hair hid his eyes from her view. His entire posture said he was protecting himself from harm. Harm that could only come from her.

"I had to give you the check." She answered apologetically. He nodded vigorously to show that he clearly wasn't buying it. But what could she say! There was no other reason!

"Yes, that's the excuse, I got that, thanks." Shawn said, and there was something new in his voice as he spoke. An edge, like he was in pain and trying to overcome it, something she hadn't heard in his voice for a long time. It stung. Every word like a knife, a little reminder of how she'd hurt him. He spoke again, and the edge was even clearer. Like he was losing the battle. She saw with slight trepidation that his left hand had tensed into a fist, probably without him even realizing. "But why are you here?" He demanded, still facing the carpet.

Juliet shook her head in dismay, sorry that she couldn't give him a better answer. The truth was... she could have avoided this situation easily. And yet she hadn't. Why not?

Shawn moved subtly closer, lifting his eyes to bore into hers. Juliet almost gasped. His eyes. The dark had made the green in the hazel stand out, his irises shining a beautiful deep emerald. The look he was giving her was intense. Pain, anger, sadness, love and lust...

Oh God this was a bad idea...

~'~,~~

Shawn felt himself move closer, cornering her more securely between the vending machine and the counter. Her back was almost touching the wall-of-glass-squares (he was terrible at naming things). Oh this was either the worst thing he'd ever done or the best thing he was ever going to do.

As he slid forward a little more, so his shirt barely whispered over hers, he really _really_ hoped it was the later.

Now Jules leaned against the panes of glass, and Shawn could see she was shying away and attempting to hide it. He didn't want her to be afraid of him. But he couldn't stop himself getting closer.

His right arm had slid over onto the side of the machine, his left steadily following his progression. His eyelids felt heavy and yet he wanted to etch everything into his memory until the last possible second. His breathing had slowed, the calmest it had been in weeks. It felt like his body had a mind of it's own, and it clearly knew what it wanted. The worst part was, even though he knew it was so wrong, it was what Shawn wanted too.

"Shawn," Jules whispered, the breath tickling his neck they were so close. It was incredibly sexy, and Shawn had to force himself to concentrate and reply.

"Yeah Jules?" He rasped. They were so close, skin and cloth ghosting off each other, that Shawn could hear her breath hitch at the nickname. She swallowed, and tried again.

"We shouldn't—"

"Don't." Shawn interrupted huskily. Looking down at her, he watched her blink and try to think, something he'd given up a while ago.

"Don't what?" Juliet asked softly, still facing into his neck. His right hand pushed off the Cola machine to arrive under her chin. He gently tilted her face up with two fingers, forcing her to meet his eyes. They were glistening, a watery blue that always made him melt.

"Stop me again." He breathed out. Saying no more, Shawn dipped his head down to hers and captured her lips in a kiss.

~'~,~~

Damn her for being a woman! Damn her for having hormones! Damn her for not leaving when she could have! Damn her for finding Shawn incredibly attractive! Damn her for enjoying the feel of his lips on hers!

It was wrong, so _so_ wrong! Why couldn't she pull away!

This was why they could never work! He made her lose control! And as a woman in a man's field there was nothing she liked less than a man having control over her.

So why did she feel this way, this good!

It needed to stop. It would change everything! Shawn was her best friend, her only really good friend in Santa Barbara. She relied on him. They worked together, saw each other everyday. When (not if) it ended there would be no going back to the way they were.

The hand that delicately held her chin moved slowly across her cheek, tender in a way she hadn't realized Shawn was capable of, to rest at her temple, fingers stopping just short of sliding through her loose hair. Her skin tingled at his touch, and sent her thoughts in a totally different direction.

But weren't they already there?

She'd said it before, things were awkward now. What would loving each other change? They were already uncomfortable. How much worse could it get?

And then there was the frightening possibility that they would work out.

Juliet found herself leaning into the kiss before she could stop herself.

~'~,~~

Shawn felt like crying. It was sensory overload! The mingled smell of lilac and peaches that was so ineffably her was deliciously overwhelming. And wouldn't it just make sense that her lipgloss tasted like pineapple?

Jules stood stock still as his mouth moved against hers, begging with his motions for her to give him some sign of encouragement. He brought his hand up to her hair, skimming it over her skin. She was so soft, her skin, her hair, her lips! Never had Shawn felt himself so lost to sensation. This wasn't just a kiss, he'd had plenty of those. This was his fantasy. Of course she was in shock... so that kinda sucked.

He should pull back. There was no way this was going to fly. Even if she had wanted to start something a while ago (which, he had argued to himself, might have just been a pity date after his mom had nearly died), Jules had made it very _painfully_ clear that she wasn't interested now.

Shawn knew this, and yet he could not tear himself away.

Juliet finally did something. Even without a perfect memory he would remember this clearly. She distinctly leaned forward. Juliet O'Hara had definitely pushed into the kiss. For one second, Shawn was insanely happy.

But then she wrenched herself back. And it was like a bucket of ice water.

Every single negative emotion possible flooded into him as their lips parted: anger, fear, pain, everything. Shawn kept his eyes closed for a few more seconds, trying to delay the moment when he'd have to see Juliet's accusing glare. It made the sound of her labored breathing even louder. He realized just then he was gulping for air as well. Shawn backed up a few steps to give her the room he knew she would need. When he couldn't bear it any longer, he opened his eyes.

The next few seconds would probably haunt him forever.

Her pale skin was slightly flushed, the upper left side of her hairline was slightly in disarray where his right fingers had worried the strands. Juliet was still pressing herself against the glass, her arms out at right angles. She was still breathing heavily. Her lipgloss was mussed and smudged. When she finally spoke, it was shaky and weak with dismay.

"Shawn..."

It was amazing how one word, his own name, could break him so completely. She sounded sad and frustrated and apologetic and weary. Or was that him?

"I'm sorry." His voice sounded unreal. Like a stranger's.

And then Shawn did what he did best.

He ran.

~'~,~~

It was several minutes after the sound of the motorcycle had faded, that Juliet remembered three crucial things.

It was 10 at night.

He had only been wearing his boxers.

And this was his apartment.


	2. The Resolution

Shawn noticed the problem straightaway.

It wasn't very comfortable to drive a bike without pants. Nor was it very warm.

That solved the issue of where to go first: the Psych office was equipped with a change of clothes, just in case someone ended up naked (totally plausible). The agenda had the useful side-effect of numbness.

20 minutes later the fully clothed Shawn was left with nothing to do but listen to the pounding cacophony of his turbulent thoughts. That and his Norton.

He needed to drive.

~'~,~~

"This is stupid." Juliet told the silent apartment. It had no reply.

She sat on the edge of the soft, her vocabulary was mocking her here, love-seat. Her fingers tapped nervously against her knee. It had to have been half an hour since he left.

"Ran off is more like it." She scoffed loudly. The phrase 'the silence was deafening' had never made much sense until now. The air felt thick with it all. Juliet suddenly felt the lyrics of a song echo within her head: _'The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth...'_

"I should go." She announced. No answer of course.

"It's not like I have to wait up for him." Still nothing.

"I have better things to do than sit here!" Silence...

"Why am I not leaving?" Juliet asked in sudden desperation.

The apartment didn't have a good reason either.

~'~,~~

Shawn sped down the dark streets of Santa Barbara, upsetting many dogs and old ladies along the way.

His mind was in a jumble, strange and unfamiliar emotions making him feel jittery and fragile. He didn't _do_ fragile.

Calling Gus? That might help. Memories flooded back unbidden. Wincing at the flush that sprang up instantly, Shawn decided against that plan. No, like the night at the drive-in or 'close talking', this would be one of the moments that Gus hopefully would never hear about.

His Dad? No, that was just what he needed, to get a lecture on the gentlemanly thing to do. Shawn was pretty sure he had already missed that mark when he'd practically pinned Jules against the wall. Another wince.

Shawn hated feeling this way. Self-loathing was totally not his style...

But he really was _so_ stupid!

~'~,~~

Juliet stood up suddenly from the small sofa. She was angry. Now that there had been time to get over the shock so many thoughts crowded inside her skull begging for a vent. Turning to the Fluff 'n' Fold at large, her quick eyes noticed the dart board across the hall.

She jerkily stepped over to it, yanked a handful of bright red and yellow darts from the soft wood, and marched back down the hall.

_Shawn isn't right for me_, Juliet's mantra started up once again as she readied herself for the stress release, nearly screaming in her head. _He isn't grounded, he isn't secure, and while it might be fun for a time it isn't what I'm looking for in the long run_.

Lining up her shot, Juliet threw the unfortunate little projectile with more force than it had ever suffered before.

_But... that wasn't completely true. Didn't she ultimately just want someone who loved her as much as she loved him? Wasn't that the definition of a good relationship?_

_No_, Juliet decided as she gripped the next dart firmly, _I'm just being sappy_. The tiny little missile hit way off the mark. Frowning at the low score, she started up again.

_Shawn is a definite womanizer. He gets dates after almost every case, at the least a phone number! How would I ever be able to trust him? If he is interested in me, it's probably just to get into my pants!_ The dart was flung wildly as frustration took over, and while she was normally an excellent shot the dart didn't even make the board.

_But... why would he leave? If it was all about sex wouldn't he stay to try and finish the job? Shawn apologized, and then just ran off. Didn't that indicate a respect for my feelings? Or his feelings even?_

No... That would shake the entire foundation of her perception of Shawn. It couldn't be.

The last dart struck a bullseye. Juliet didn't notice.

~'~,~~

"...So that's pretty much the story."

"That's rough buddy."

"Pssht, tell me about it, Booker."

It's extremely fair if you wonder who Booker is. Before you ask, no, he is not a good cop. He is in fact a bum who lives off the side of the road Shawn happened to drive down at 1 in the morning. The name was aparently because he sometimes ate books. Despite that, once the crosslight had changed Shawn hadn't wanted to leave. So, pulling to the curb he explained more or less his and Jules' entire history to the very friendly homelessman. It did make him feel better actually.

"Look Shawn, I ain't gonna tell you I know much about women." Booker began. "But I do have a girl, Agnes." The man drifted off into pleasant thought while Shawn cocked his head curiously, very interested in what his new friend's probably equally as homeless girlfriend would be like. Booker snapped out of it once again and cleared his throat. "Like I was sayin', Agnes and I had a tough start too. I caught her stealing from my dumpster in the middle of the night and nearly clobbered her with my bat." Shawn's eyes widened and he inched away quietly. Noticing the action, Booker sought to ease him quickly. "But I didn't! Instead of killing each other we talked it out. Found we had a lot in common and whatnot."

"So you're telling me that if I ever hope to be as good a couple as you and Agnes," Shawn asked with a polite nod of the head, "That I have to talk to her about my feelings?"

"'Xactly!" He exclaimed with a proud clap of his partially gloved hands.

"I see..." Shawn looked deeply skeptical.

"It'll be hard but good in the long run, trust me." Standing up from his place on the curb, Shawn turned back to face his very nice and slightly smelly acquantice.

"Well thanks Booker. I hope we do this again sometime. Oh, and there's no use mugging me, I ran off without grabbing my wallet." The man nodded in understanding without losing his smile. With a wave, Shawn hopped back on his Norton.

"See ya man!" Booker called happily.

"Be good! And y'know... alive!" Shawn yelled back as he revved his engine and pulled out.

Savoring for a moment the feel of the wind and the pure energy at his fingertips, Shawn sped away to continue his flee from the thoughts within his brain.

~'~,~~

It was getting very late, or should I say early? Shawn had still not returned.

Juliet paced up and down the hall, wringing her hands nervously. She hadn't felt this way since the Cinema Vue incident. Oh there had been plenty of nervewracking situations, she was a cop after all, and some definitely awkward ones, mostly Abigail related, but rarely had Juliet ever felt pure anxiety without the incredible amounts of adreniline a cop could work up. Her heels shuffled along the carpet as Juliet spoke out loud to herself in speculation.

"Maybe he's left for good." She said softly. Her alarm and her voice grew as she went on. "Gus told me he'd run away from home before, and he's always talking about all the jobs he's had. Maybe he decided it was time to move on!" Juliet glanced involuntarily at the portait of himself Shawn had hung over the couch.

"No... he wouldn't!" She said, but the forcefulness in her voice sounded fake even to her. "I mean, all his stuff's here..." Realizing that probabably didn't matter to Shawn, Juliet tried annother approach. "How could he leave without saying goodbye to everyone, the Chief, Lassiter, me..." She stopped abrupty, her hands balling into fists in sudden fear and apprehention.

"He's probably leaving 'cause of me." Juliet whispered to herself. She unclenched her hands and brought one to run through her hair as she thought things through. "I was the one who rejected him this time, no dates or psychopaths getting in the way either. I was harsh, I—I was..." The arm that had been pulling at her hair flopped against her side in frustration. "I was blunt and almost mean!" She crumpled onto a chair and sat in contomplative silence for a while.

"It's not like I want to reject him." She said quietly. "I have to. Shawn and I wouldn't work." Juliet didn't notice how weary her own voice sounded. "I tried the whole bad boy thing in college and look how that turned out. I want someone solid and reliable..." Of cource, there was no one who protected and saved her more than Shawn (except maybe her partner, but that's only because he carries a gun). How much more reliable could you get? Juliet sighed. "Not dating Shawn is what's best for me... no matter how fun the alternative." She stood up and resumed her pacing.

"Of cource this is all pointless if Shawn isn't coming back." Her hands flew to her mouth as she gasped. "What if he's been in an accident! What if he's hurt or dying or dead!" She was halfway to the phone before Juliet stopped herself.

"Get a grip Jules!" She blinked rapidly as what she had just said registered.

When had she started calling herself Jules?

~'~,~~

Shawn stared unseeingly out at the coast, breathing deeply in the salty air. Feeling the spray flutter against his face from his position on a bench, he finally felt relaxed enough to think. Odd that he would flock to his childhood haunt when in need of escape, especially since his father had ruined all his prepuescent attempts.

He obviously couldn't control himself around Juliet, friend or not. That was a new and frightening thing for Shawn. He was always cool, collected, and charming around ladies, and that was exactly what made him perfect for casual dating. The woman never minded being just a fling. Of course, it meant he was only so-so at real relationships. On the one hand, the girl fell pretty quickly and liked to stay around. But then Shawn would never be interested in the talking part, finding himself to be a shallow person. Abigail had delusioned herself into thinking his lies (or embelishments as he liked to call them) were all about trying to impress her. When she eventually realized that Shawn barely cared what he said, that he was not going to suddenly open up to her, that she was not the center of his universe, that was when it ended.

No, it was when Jules was around that Shawn tried to up his game, she was the one who understood the trials of their profession and the emotions detectives had to work through, she was the one his eyes wandered to of their own accord, the one he would risk everything for. What did that tell you?

If he had ever really loved anyone, then he was in love with Juliet.

Shawn blew out a breath in a huff. Great. Except he couldn't let himself love her. He had failed at being 'just friends'. He had crossed the line. Even if she did feel some attraction towards him, a little was all Shawn hoped for at this point, she had other criteria which he must obviously not fulfill. The best thing to do would be to leave and let Jules live in peace. Because it was completely worth his misery if Juliet would be happy.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead with one hand.

Shawn really didn't want to leave this time. As frightening the possibility that he was in love was, the desire to be near Juliet was greater. Then of course there was Psych. He had finally found a way to do something that actually challenged him, something he loved doing and was good at. Not to mention the angry messages Gus and his dad would leave once they realized he had left. Shawn made a face in anticipation.

When he had up and left in 1995, all Shawn had thought to bring was his cash, a meagre hundred or two that was soon depleted. This time, Shawn might appreciate a bit more foresight. He could even stop by Gus' place to say goodbye. Not that it was going to be a , but Shawn thought his best friend deserved a little notice this time around.

With yet another sad sigh, Shawn mounted his Norton and turned it around. Just a quick stop by his apartment and then down the road out of Juliet's life.

~'~,~~

Juliet turned the knob slowly, then backed away. Prodding it open, Juliet poked her head through Shawn's bedroom door. Breathing a sigh of relief at the normalicy of the dreaded backroom, she stepped further into the room.

Unsurprisingly it looked like the average teenager's bedroom. It was filled with all kinds of useless crap and children's toys. There were '80s movie posters on these walls as well, even some photographs of artists like Bon Jovi and Duran Duran. The bed was unmade, but then that was a given.

Shaking her head with a small smile, Juliet sat gingerly on the mattress. After taking a more-than-cursory glance around, she was satisfied that there was no evidence of women's undergarments in Shawn's bedroom. That appreciation made Juliet feel lighter. Suddenly noticing the feeling, she slapped a palm to her face. Slumping her shoulders as she let out a breath, Jules flopped backwards on Shawn's bed.

Butterflies fluttered within her stomach. That was an interesting phrase, 'Shawn's bed'. Not like she hadn't thought about being on Shawn's bed at 4 in the morning or so. But in those thoughts Shawn was actually here, she had been invited in, and their clothes—

_Stop it! _Juliet warned herself harshly as her skin temperature rocketed. Those were definitely not the thoughts to be having in Shawn's empty bedroom. Juliet rolled onto her side.

Ugh... She had often wondered what it would feel like to kiss Shawn. Well now she had found out. And it would be a downright lie if Jules said she hadn't liked it. She had leaned in after all.

It's funny. Juliet knew in her head that the sparks and fireworks or whatever humans described kissing as was just a product of the sex-specific chemicals interacting with each other in evolution's effort for humans to choose the most fertile mates. The more aroused the person already was, the bigger their reaction.

But then, that knowledge hadn't taken anything away from that kiss... Although, everything around Shawn seemed more intense: the close talking incident, they had barely touched and yet there had been this incredible fire inside her itching to be released, held at bay only by her fear; the cheek kiss at the drive-in, barely more than chaste and yet she had lost herself in the sensation of her smooth lips against his stubble; the moment on the ladder, just the intense look of his features had rendered her close to speachless. And now their first actual kiss, which had drowned out all her anxious thoughts and made her see more stars than an observatory. What did that say about their chemisty?

Feeling her eyes growing heavy, and feeling very comfortable lying on Shawn's bed, Jules decided to simply rest them for a few minutes. 10 tops.

She was out like a light in 3.

~'~,~~

The sun had turned the once inky black sky a pale watered-down blue when Shawn finally arrived at his apartment. He had taken his sweet time on the way back: second guessing himself, needing more time to think, rehearsing arguments and that sort of thing. Looking up, Shawn sighed to himself as he hopped off his bike. Another night without sleep. He could already feel that clammy sort of nausea beginning to set in. Stepping quietly through the familiar doubledoors, which he would never lock anyway, Shawn froze as he took in the startling change.

There had been a polo crumpled on the floor of the hall that had been kicked to the side. A pillow had been moved to accomodate someone sitting on the small couch in the corner. There was a spectacular shot on the dart board. Juliet's bag was still sitting on the floor where she left it, and his bedroom door was open. Juliet hadn't left.

Shawn felt giddiness and anxiety erupt in equal measures. He hadn't planned a speach for Jules. He hadn't even expected to see her again. He'd been counting on that to make it easier to leave. But she was still here, in his apartment. That or she left her bag in her hurry to get out. Filled with a instant urgency, Shawn nearly tripped over his own feet on his way to the bedroom door.

Pushing it open further, Shawn inadvertantly slammed the door against the wall. Juliet woke with a start, her hand scrabbling at where she normally wore her gun.

"Jules!" She looked up at Shawn's shocked expression, her own bleary.

"Shawn? What—" She looked out the window at the just beginning sunrise. "What time is it? Did you just get in?" Shawn cut her off before she could ask more.

"Yes I did, I've been driving around, and you are still here?" Blinking in response to his rapid answer, Juliet frowned as the last part registerred. Her hurt was incredibly easy to read.

"Do you want me to leave?" Shawn extended his arm in his haste to reassure her that she was furthest from the truth.

"No! No, no, I mean, I just didn't expect you, is all, and you spent the night and—and everything, and I—" Realizing he was botching the entire apology, Shawn closed his eyes and shut himself up for a moment. He held out both hands, opened his eyes, and began speaking again a little calmer. "Juliet, I like you too much."

It was her turn to be shocked. Juliet looked to be fumbling for what to say. "Uh, Shawn, I—"

"Just wait a minute Jules, let me get this all out, ok?" It was either his words or the shaking in his voice that compelled her to listen.

"You are... an amazing person." Shawn closed his eyes again and took a deep breath, looking for the strength to say what needed to be said. "You can be neurotic, preppy, emotional, and downright scarry but you are just _so_ perfect." He chanced opening his eyes again. Jules was biting her lower lip, which was either a good or a bad sign. Either way he had to keep going. "And... I can't be your friend because I have never felt as out of place than when I'm around you. You make me lose it and that's... not good." Shawn could have winced at the lack of his usual verbal prowess. Juliet was sitting quietly, watching his face intently, and waiting for him to finish.

"So, I'm going. Because hurting you is something I can't let happen."

Uncomfortable silence...

"Soooo.... yeah." Shawn said as he dropped his hands. Juliet just contemplated him a little longer. The tension was starting to get to him.

"So is there any chance you could leave so I can pack my unmentionables?"

Juliet stood up suddenly, and Shawn took an immediate step back for fear of violence. Her expression was unreadable as she advanced toward him. She finally stopped less than a foot away.

"You're an idiot." She told him sternly, and before he could deny it, Jules had already pulled his face down to meet hers in a happily-ever-after kind of kiss.

~'~,~~

Damn her for having lungs!


End file.
